Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
