I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
