note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize