Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize