Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
