If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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