Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
