My pussy is not your playground.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
