Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
