Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
