ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize