Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
