So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
