maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
