ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
