escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
