Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
