Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
