and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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