Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
