You made me cry and you don't even care
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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