The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
