It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
