Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
