zippers are such a cool invention
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
