so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
