You work out of a Hotel?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
