just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize