I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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