Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
