Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize