I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's blow job season.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
