I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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