this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
third nipple confirmed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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