i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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