Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
