Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
