I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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