oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
