Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
