it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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