i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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