So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize