you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
