This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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