after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
