he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize