I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
