I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
