you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
