just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
