Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
