i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
