fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
