You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do vagina's smell?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
