Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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