I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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