I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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