So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
