i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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