People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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