I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
