we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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