i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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