I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
