her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
