I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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