Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
