Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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