Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
