If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
