I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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