i don't like sucking hair
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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