I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
