You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
