I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize