We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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