then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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