Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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