we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
