HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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