all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
