Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
