okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize