If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
