You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
