walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
