If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
