Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
