i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
