quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had sex on a roof
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
